When I was 30, I went through one of the most embarrassing situations in my life. I had to go to Finance and was assisted by a very approachable and available man who gave me a form to fill out which, among many other questions, was my date of birth and my age. And I filled it out correctly, I thought.
You handed me the form and put the age and date of birth part and said in a low voice, as if ashamed, “You have to correct this field.” I looked and saw nothing, everything was fine. The worst part was that he repeated the request and I was already feeling a little uncomfortable. So the waiting hours are not enough and now I also don’t know how to fill out a form?
Until a colleague, already older, comes to our side and tells us in a good voice: “It is October 2005, you were born in May and you were born in 1975, you are 29 years old, my girl, be done with! ”I don’t know what color I was, the nice gentleman, obviously an old-fashioned gentleman, smiled and I collapsed to apologize. I left quickly and the shame was such that ‘at that point I would take whatever finances wanted. I wanted to leave that space.
I knew, of course, that I was 30 years old. I was just in this phase of “I don’t feel like I’m 30, even yesterday I was an adult”.
I doubted my ability to handle age a bit, but it passed. In fact, from the age of 30, things started to move so quickly, with marriage, kids, divorces, family, friends and work, that I didn’t have much time for myself. stop and think about it. Having time for myself alone was more or less that time between sleep and child labor. Really, now that I think about it, it has been a very busy and laborious decade.
Not appearing vulgar, and already being, it was in the blink of an eye that I reached 40 years old, in glory: big party, big preparations, with everything I was entitled to or more. And this decade has been completely different.
Yes, the roots insisted on being white every 30 days, gravity moved almost the whole body (feet are fine) and a visit to the doctor was more common, aches and pains here and there and some reflections of a very young lived . I’ve come to where I’m not too old for that, nor too young for that.
In consciousness, I have reached the perfect height. I don’t think I can shake the world, let alone change it with my voice, but I also don’t want to know if my opinion or myself is bothering anyone. Better, if you bother, a natural selection is made. A mixture of “je ne sais quoi” of power versus independence, which now at 40 is neither bad nor good. It is what it is. I became more selective, more daring, both in communication and in physical posture. I started to have time for myself, because yes! Because I want and need.
It wasn’t instantaneous, but the feeling of accomplishment was filling. I don’t have the life I wanted, but I have what I can and it’s not exactly the easiest, but it’s also far from the hardest.
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No, I am not satisfied and it is in my genes to always go for something better, the difference is in what is better. And at the height of my 45 years, the best is what makes me happy and at peace with the world and with myself.
“I am not satisfied and it is in my genes to always go for something better, the difference is in what is the best. And at the height of my 45 years, the best is what makes me happy and at peace with the world and with me. ”
The caricature of the situation is that none of this is bought, conquered! It is there, very close, just a look and a deeper reflection. A round of applause at 40!